I often feel like I’m in the ocean, being thrown from wave to wave. I grew up in Southern California and we spent our summers at the beach. I remember standing in the ocean and trying to gauge the waves, “can I float over the top of the wave, before it breaks? or should I dive underneath it? Is it small enough that I can just turn around and let it hit my back? Or is it time to head for the shore?” Sometimes I didn’t make the best choice, and came up with a mouth full of salty water. I still recall the feeling of salt water up my nose and stinging the back of my throat and eyes.
When I’m in the waves of life, I don’t always know what to do, I want to find the calm, the peace. There’s always some little trial or some gigantic one that seems overwhelming. I realize that all of these waves are part of life, but I want to find the calm within the stormy ocean.
I’m not all alone.
We struggle with prayer and satisfy ourselves that the silence means “no,” when in reality it means we have not learned to receive answers to our prayers. We wade through life’s trials seemingly alone, desperately needing divine guidance, and failing to pierce the heavens… (John Pontius)
I’m focusing on idenifying the still small voice of personal revelation — the voice that John Pontius talks about in his book. He explains that this is the first step, and that there is no other process or path to becoming a Zion person. First — hear the voice, and second, obey it.
John explains that there are three voices in every healthy person’s mind — your own voice, the Lord’s voice, and the voice of any of the million minions of the devil.
What the crap — three voices always contending to communicate with me. No wonder I feel like the waves crashing around me. I really like what John had to say about this. Problem is, I get all mixed up. “Is that the Lord talking to me, or is it me, or is it Wormwood (The Screwtape Letters) trying to detour me?”
These are the three voices as identified by John:
- The Voice of our Mind (where we analyze things, go over them, often in the form of “I” or “me”)
- The Holy Spirit (this is the voice of Christ, and is revelation that prompts us to do something good or avoid something bad, often a statement– “call your mom” — but it is an impression, a prompting to your heart and mind — it’s rarely an audible voice)
- The Voice of Evil (the opposition tries to discourage you, but is very clever, like C.S. Lewis says in The Screwtape Letters)
Since the first step is to hear the promptings from the Savior and follow them, I realize that my first step is to identify this voice of revelation. I must identify it even before I can follow it. And remember, there’s other voices.
John recommends you get a little notebook, and title it “The Small Plates of **********” (insert your own name in there) and record your promptings and temptations, with as much detail as you can — and what voice you followed. I got my little book, called it “The Small Plates of Deila” and started to take note.
It was kind of difficult. It actually takes effort and focus. I first used a little Moleskine notebook, but I forgot it while I was out, and so I used an iphone application called Evernote. I made a “Small Plates of Deila Notebook” on that as well. This really helps you identify the voices. Even so, I know I missed days of not forcusing and writing them down.
It’s a serious tuning-in of your mind — to hear these three voices. And it happens all day long. And even when I woke up in the night — which I notice seems to bring on the negative voice of the adversary telling me life is too hard. (Then I would turn on my ipod with Brother Nibley lecturing and no evil spirit wants to compete with him.)
I think the Lord’s promptings are short statements, not the long mulling over of ideas and fears that I do myself.
Here’s my report:
1. I found it easier to identify the still small voice about things I knew were right. For example, I went to the grocery store to buy some milk and decided to pick up this tasty almond pastry that I love to share with my husband. I always go through the self-checkout, because it’s faster. I scanned my items, but couldn’t find the code for the pastry. I finally decided to click on the donut one, since they are in the same glass case right next to each other. But it only rang up as $.68, and I was pretty sure I saw that they were a dollar something.
While finishing up my checkout and paying the automated machine, I heard the Lord’s prompting — “pay the correct price, tell the checker.”
Then I heard, “oh, it doesnt’ really matter, it’s not that much of a difference, after all it wasn’t listed on the screen.” (the Wormwood voice)
Then I rationalized in my head, “maybe I didn’t see the right price, maybe it is the same price, it really doesn’t matter, it’s about the same price.” But then, I thought, “I want to do the right thing” (my voice). And I told the guy that I didn’t click on the right icon, because I didn’t find it on there and probably owe more money — he thanked my for my honesty and I paid the extra $.70. That was the easiest one to identify the voices. But all three were there!
2. Another time this week, I was prompted to stay all three hours at church (yea, I often leave after sacrament if I don’t have a responsibility). My voice, said, “go home, it’s hard for you to sit for three hours, you can read at home.” I think that was my voice. Or maybe that was Wormwood. See, it’s hard to tell. Maybe I was agreeing with Wormwood. But I stayed. I felt good about it.
3. A third example I will share — My son wanted me to stay an extra day while visiting him and his wife and baby. Even though we had a rental car to get back, I thought I was prompted to stay. This set me back a day, which meant I would have to stay at my mom’s house the next day when she had her brother (my uncle) staying with her. I didn’t want to stay at the same time and get in the way. Plus, sometimes I don’t feel like being social. My voice told me to leave my son’s house late, so that when I got to my moms, everyone would be turning in for the night. But, a prompting (from the Lord I thought) said I should leave my son’s house early, and get to my mom’s in time to visit. I identified two voices, and probably Wormwood chimed in with my anti-social feelings.
When my husband and I arrived at my mom’s, her brother and his wife were there. We visited and I asked him what he was reading and if he had read any of John Pontius. He said, “No, I only read the scriptures and the CES stuff.”
I then asked his wife, what she was reading. She pulls out “Visions of Glory” and says, she is reading it aloud to both of them. I laugh and say, “that’s written by John Pontius, but it’s about another man’s experiences.”
She says, “oh, I thought his name sounded familiar.”
And my uncle says, “oh, I work with him (Spencer) in the temple, though I’ve promised not to reveal his name. He is an incredible person, full of the spirit.”
I was thankful that I had followed the Lord’s voice to arrive early and visit. It was a confirmation about the visions of glory and my pressing desire to become a Zion person.
A few days later, while reading “The Triumphe of Zion” I was prompted, “send the book to your uncle and mom.” That was definitely the Lord’s prompting. And I followed it.(Well actually, I sent them “Journey to the Veil.”)
