Women feminists, men masculinists?

I grew up during the height of women’s lib. I might have even abandoned my bra for a day or two. I understand some of the desires of women; but of course we are all different. And I like that. I don’t want to be stereotyped. I don’t see myself as a feminist, I see myself as an “equalist,” where:   a(b + c) = ab + ac. Different, but equal. I don’t want to be better then a man. I don’t want to be just like a man either. But I want to work together, each of us bringing our talents and natural inclinations to produce good things.

Men and women are different. This is not bad. Men are traditionally equated with the masculine. But men don’t call themselves “masculinists.” That wouldn’t go over. Yet we expect men to be happy with women assuming the label of “feminist.” It’s really kind of a put-off, from my perspective. It’s very divisive and that’s not good when you’re working in a team. We work together to raise a family, make a living and overcome our trials.

I see women getting angry today over everything from birth-control to high-powered jobs. One problem I see today is that women who choose to have more than two kids, homeschool, work part-time — get kicked in the butt, by none-other, than women who see this as foolish. Why not acknowledge these career choices as just as honorable as the corporate exec?

Many years ago, at the age of 23 I sat at the table with another young Mormon woman, Erna Wong. We had lunch with a Mormon woman dermatologist, Dr. Brubaker. We discussed what it was like to be a Mormon, raise a family and be a doctor. She invited her daughter to lunch with us, so we could get her perspective as well. We talked about nannies and Hershey chocolate kisses and at the end of our lunch, I chose to abandon my goal to become a doctor.

Erna went on and became the doctor and the mother. In fact, she did it in a big way. It worked for her and she became a pediatrician and had 8 kids. Her husband is a professor and managed to have several days off a week. They had nannies at times, but really,  the two of them managed to be home with the kids on alternate days. She didn’t get sick while pregnant and could work until she delivered. That’s right, she would make her rounds at the hospital, go into labor, and march upstairs to deliver her baby. It wouldn’t have worked that way with me. I barfed all nine months and could barely lift my head from the toilet. My husband had a job that took him away on travel all the time.

I do wish I had been able to see into the future — and choose a career that would be less demanding and yet give me a place to earn money (pharmacist would have worked.) I endured a lot of stress due to my choice to abandon all careers.

Women have progressed over the years and I’m thankful for the women who pushed forward for voting rights, and equal pay and opportunities. But I don’t want to see women become overbearing; we don’t need to become obnoxious about it. We don’t need to become a matriarchy. As Hugh Nibley points out, that’s a dangerous situation. We see examples of women like this — Lady Macbeth and Miss Piggy and those women who bully you at work.

Patriarchy can become dangerous — as soon as men get a little power/authority they have a tendency to rule (as Joseph Smith recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants — when a man exercises control or compulsion, amen to his priesthood, and God is grieved.)

The adversary continually tries to put a wedge between Adam and Eve: Get them to make decisions uni-laterally, get them to separate. But Adam and Eve set the example. Eve made a wise decision to progress, and Adam made a wise choice to stay with her, even though they had to leave the pristine garden and head into the wind of the temporal world. Let’s recognize the contribution of both of them.