My son got into the car, feeling down and bitter. When you’re a mom, that can totally bring you down too. All of a sudden I was on damage control.
My son has a sense of humor, not a bad thing. In a class, the teacher asked “does anyone know what a countess is?”  My son replied, “a female accountant?” The teacher didn’t think it was so funny and reprimanded him in front of the class — “that’s enough…” I am sure this teacher wants to be a good teacher, but instead, for my son he came away disliking him. The teacher did not reach his goal to enlighten his students and encourage a desire to do better.
Another son, working at a new position within his workplace, was graded by his boss on the second day of learning the new procedures. “You get a D — you didn’t do …..”  The upshot of that? My son was discouraged, he had been working hard to cover all the new information. Instead of staying late as he had been doing, he went home, on time. He said to me, “I would have handled that differently if I had been the one in charge.”
Another son, another time, many years ago, in a second grade classroom. I was the parent volunteer. His teacher was revered as one of the best by other parents. You can imagine my surprise when I  saw Mr. Teacher go through a stack of student papers, and crumbling them up into a wad, throwing them across the room — “no name no credit!” The 7-year olds all sat in fear. One boy was brought to the front of the class and made to sit in a dunce chair. (and then I remembered that three years earlier, my older son had come home from this second grade classroom, having peed his pants — too afraid to ask to use the bathroom.) (After this incident we moved our son to another school, and later I homeschooled)
Another son was called upon by his grandmother to carve up the Thanksgiving turkey. After a few slices she took the knife away and banned him from the kitchen, he was doing it wrong. He came away discouraged and although we laugh about it to this day, he stays clear of the carving table.
My point is this. You get the best work from someone when you do not humiliate them. What is your purpose? When your kids mess up, what is your goal? Look at the end result that you want and then work backwards. Most likely you want your students and kids to have a desire to study, to be responsible, to become self-starters in their work. Most likely you want your spouse to feel good about his/her contribution to the family. Most likely you want your associates to feel like they have good ideas too. Most likely you want your underlings to work hard for you, to do the best they can and feel good about themselves.
Before you open your mouth to tell someone to shut-up in so many words, think about being on the receiving end of your words and actions. I don’t say this because I do it right every time, but it is something I have to work on, all the time. It can be especially hard with your own kids and spouse. I know. The next time you walk into your house and see a big mess, look past it and let your spouse or your kids tell you their good news, or look for the one thing they did well. We all want to be noticed for trying. None of us are perfect.

 

During the period 1814-1823, Goya sketched in an album a series of eight drawings portraying individuals prosecuted by the Inquisition. The victims wear the long conical cap known as the coroza and the tunic known as the sanbenito, which fit over the chest and upon which were inscribed the reasons for condemnation.