The sin next to murder. That phrase haunts me. I’m confused by the way the LDS church defines this. Something seems wrong. Consensual sex cannot be a sin equal to torture, rape, abuse, and many other horrid things.
Elizabeth Smart’s chewing gum analogy
I listened to Elizabeth Smart share her feelings of why she didn’t run when given a chance. She graciously spoke at a human trafficking conference at John Hopkins University, where she shared what went through her mind after being kidnapped and raped.
“One of the questions that is most commonly asked of me, ‘Well why didn’t you run away, why didn’t you yell, why didn’t you scream?’”
I’m sure she’s had years of therapy to help her overcome the ordeal of being kidnaped at age 14 and raped daily for 9 months. And she better understands what can go through your mind when you are taught to guard your virginity with your life. And that God delights in the chastity of women.
“I remember in school one time I had a teacher who was talking about abstinence and she said, ‘Imagine you’re a stick of gum and when you engage in sex, that’s like being chewed. And then if you do that lots of times, you’re going to be become an old piece of gum and who’s going to want you after that,’” said Smart.
When I heard her chewing gum analogy, I thought about my upbringing in the church in the 1970s. I don’t remember an object lesson about sex — but object lessons were a common practice. Elizabeth Smart explained:
“I was raised in a very religious household one that taught that sex was something special that only happened between a husband and a wife who loved each other, and that’s the way I had been raised and that’s what I had been determined to follow that when I got married then and only then would I engage in sex and so for that first rape I felt crushed, I felt so dirty and so filthy I understand so easily why someone wouldn’t run because of that alone.”
It seems that Elizabeth Smart lost her self-respect, not only because of the abuse from her captors but by the things she had learned as a member of the church. She had become filthy, even though it was not her choice.
The LDS teaching that sexual sin is second to murder
One of the popular books quoted in the LDS faith was President Spencer W. Kimball’s The Miracle of Forgiveness. I read it. He emphasized the devastating consequences of sexual sin. I did not feel the miracle of forgiveness while reading that book. I was scared.
In it, he says some very harsh things,
“Also far-reaching is the effect of the loss of chastity. Once given or taken or stolen it can never be regained. Even in a forced contact such as rape or incest, the injured one is greatly outraged. If she has not cooperated and contributed to the foul deed, she is of course in a more favorable position. There is no condemnation where there is no voluntary participation. It is better to die in defending one’s virtue than to live having lost it without a struggle.“
Many leaders taught young women to guard their virginity with their own lives if necessary. “Your virtue is worth more than your life. Please, young folk, preserve your virtue even if you lose your lives” (David O. McKay as quoted in Miracle of Forgiveness)
The message was clear — in circumstances of rape, it was better to die, and if you didn’t successfully fight him off, you might be guilty of not guarding your virginity with your life. Did you struggle? Or not? This would be a heavy burden to carry if you were abused or raped like Elizabeth Smart. How does one know if she/he had “cooperated” to the foul deed? It is a heavy burden to carry if you had sex with your boyfriend because it implies your virginity is better than your life.
Sexual sin is heavily emphasized in the Mormon faith. I understand the sanctity of marriage. I understand the trauma that happens when a spouse is unfaithful when there are children in the family. But I still do not believe that it is a sin next to murder.
I’ve always been bothered by the teaching that the sin of adultery or fornication is next to murder. That does not seem reasonable to me; there are too many other grievous and heinous things that people do. That interpretation must be a precept of man. Something is not right. Ancient prophets had plural wives, Sarah gave her handmaiden to Abraham. Christ did not stone the adulterous woman. He did not tell her she had committed a sin next to murder.
I was taught in the church that if you had sex, you had committed a sin just below murder. “Unchastity is next to murder in seriousness” is still taught. In Elizabeth Smart’s situation, she believed that she had become the chewed-up gum and a failure at protecting her virginity. She linked her unchastity to a grave sin.
In times past, some Mormons have said to their son/daughter, “I would rather you come back in a pine box with your virtue than return without it.” And “better dead clean than alive unclean.” That’s in an old edition of Mormon Doctrine, published in 1966. I would never say that to my kids. I would never wish that on myself, my husband, or my kids.
I don’t think God would say that. I was comforted to hear Fiona Givens, author of The God Who Weeps, say the same thing. I recently heard her speak at a small study group. God weeps for us; he does not wish we were dead when we sin — He wants to help us — to get up and become stronger. To repent. This is what parenting is about. This is a gospel of forgiveness because we all sin.
How could anyone say that Elizabeth Smart would have been better to come home in a pine box? Is her life not of value now? Listen to her talk in the video — she is helping others, her life matters.
An interpretation of the sin next to murder
The teaching that sexual sin is second to murder is taken from a Book of Mormon story when Alma rails on his son Corianton for chasing after the harlot Isabel while he was serving a mission. I have been reading this section of the book, and I’ve been thinking about some things:
First, Alma lists several things that Corianton did wrong — boasting in his strength and wisdom and forsaking the ministry by chasing after the harlot, all of which “lead away the hearts of many people to destruction.” Alma tells his son that these people, the Zoramites, will not believe in the Gospel now that Corainton has led them astray, even to destruction. Instead of saving souls on his mission, he doomed them by his actions of (1)boasting in his strength and wisdom and (2) forsaking the ministry, by chasing after the harlot Isabel.
“….boasting in thy strength and thy wisdom. And this is not all, my son. Thou didst do that which was grievous unto me; for thou didst forsake the ministry, and did go over into the land of Siron among the borders of the Lamanites, after the harlot Isabel… Thou shouldst have tended to the ministry wherewith thou wast entrusted. (Alma 39)
And this verse has been interpreted to mean that sex is the sin next to murder:
“Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?” … Behold, how great iniquity ye brought upon the Zoramites; for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words.” (Alma 39)
So, what was most abominable from the perspective of Alma?
Remember that Alma is Alma the Younger, who had been boastful himself at a young age, and led many people away from the Gospel before an angel struck him down. Therefore, he is concerned that his son may lead the people to do wickedly. He knows that this is serious. It involves the lives of the Zoramites, a people that Alma had been reaching to bring back into the fold after he himself had led them astray.
Second, Alma and Corianton were living the law of Moses — approximately 74 years before Christ was born. “They were strict in observing the ordinances of God, according to the law of Moses“ (Alma 30:3). The law of Moses was a stricter code with severe consequences. Sins were in a different category. For example, If you cursed your mother or father, you were put to death. If a priest’s daughter became a harlot, she disgraced her father and was burned to death.
“For every one that acurseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.” (Leviticus 20:9)
Third, Alma was angry, and he was trying to drive home a point to his son. Parents go over the top sometimes.
But even during this time frame, Alma handled the situation with his son differently than we do in the church today. After Alma gave him a “talking-to,” he sent him back to his mission. He tells him to repent and forsake his sins and go no more after the lusts of his eyes. First, he gives him counsel, perceiving that he needs more understanding of the plan of salvation.
And then, to help him secure God’s forgiveness, Alma sends him back on his mission. Because after you repent, you have to serve; you have to fill your life with doing good. Once the house is swept clean of evil, it must be filled up with good, or you may fall again.
The view that sex can be the sin next to murder is damaging for victims of abuse. And it is damaging to anyone who has engaged in sex outside of marriage. Or even within marriage. President Joseph F. Smith explained differences in sex sin in his book, Gospel Doctrine,
“we can ourselves see a difference both in intent and consequence between the offense of a young couple, who being betrothed, in an unguarded moment, without premeditation fall into sin, and that of the man, who having entered into holy places and made sacred covenants, plots to rob the wife of his neighbor or her virtue either by cunning or force and who accomplishes his vile intent.”
Too many Mormons with authority don’t seem to acknowledge this difference, which results in discouraged members who often leave the church. And although we teach forgiveness, most often, the repentant sinner becomes an outcast, no longer “leadership material.”
In my opinion, we may drive away too many of our teens. I know of young men who were denied the privilege to serve a mission because of making bad choices in high school and having sex with a girlfriend. The church raised the bar for missionaries. In my opinion this excludes those who truly repent. Back in the day, some of the best missionaries were those who had to repent and overcome trials. Men like Alma and Corianton. Now they are excluded.
I also know of a young woman who went to her branch president to confess her sins of getting too sexually involved with a boyfriend, who told her that she might as well have gone “all the way” because it was just as sinful. He must have believed Kimball’s statement, “Almost like twins, “petting” and especially “heavy petting” and fornication are alike.” (Miracle of Forgiveness, p 65). I saw her self-esteem sink, and she went inactive.
Didn’t Christ tell the woman who was going to be stoned for adultery, to go and sin no more? Didn’t He say He was not going to accuse her? Alma tells his son the same thing, go and sin no more, apologize to the people, and get back in the mission field.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the law of chastity during marriage and that sex is a full expression of that marital covenant. I taught this to my children. I believe in living a moral life. But I also understand what Elizabeth Smart was saying. How easy it was for her to feel like her life was not worth living, just a chewed up piece of gum.
Originally posted 2013. Update 09/2016
Here is an article I recently found that has a similar interpretation:
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