What will you be talking about at the holiday table? Some people find camaraderie by putting other people down. It happens in the best of families too. It happens at the workplace and school. But it’s especially damaging in the family. Sometimes it’s just a bad habit.

When Uncle Joe is the only one missing at the holiday table — does the rest of the family talk about him in an unfavorable light? Sometimes we judge others harshly. And there may be legitimate reasons too. But, you know when the talk becomes derogatory. Or when it’s initiated to find group camaraderie. Too often we think “my way or the highway” or “my way is the best way” and don’t give others the space to have their opinions or ideas, or ways of doing things.

Take notice of what everyone talks about in family gatherings. Because there’s a lot more to share in life than your grievances. However, it takes some effort  not to jump on the dog pile, because the person saying derogatory things often wants you to agree with him/her — because that makes the two of you closer.

When I first started hanging out with my husband’s family I realized that when we got together they often played games. We didn’t talk about the few people who weren’t there. Of course we did have some riveting conversations about politics, and I don’t think that’s a good subject either. So stay away from the politics.

Another family — my son’s in-laws — they share funny family stories. I’ve heard some and have to admit, they’re pretty funny.

I asked my husband for a list of subjects to talk about and he said, well, we could talk about all the skin disorders we’ve had. (yea, our family has had some skin problems.)

But really what subjects should we share? We put a lot of effort into the menu and what we’re going to eat — but probably it’s more important to think about what we’re going to talk about. How do you keep the conversation nice at family gatherings?

10 Ideas to keep the conversation nice at family gatherings:

Talk about–

1.   Family history stories — the way-back machine — get the older folks to share their childhood stories.

2.   Hobbies — books, pets, games, cooking, sewing, swimming, running, archery, target practice, meditation, rock-hounding, whatever floats your boat

3.   End-time scenarios of the Mad Max world

4.   Favorite places to move and live

5.   Preparedness goals or items you’ve found you can’t live without

6.   Funny family stories (but nothing that embarrasses)

7.   Favorite ways to get enough exercise and biggest mistakes

8.   Books you’ve read.

9.   Ask questions — I do get accused of being a little bit too investigative like Barbara Walters– so be careful.

10.  How you can help each other — a family project

Now, if none of these ideas sound possible — better pull out the board games or go for a hike, or just do the dishes together.